The moment where you realise that you actually crave the pain. You’re not sad, you’re not angry but you just want to build up those punches, harder and harder until it hurts and it reminds you of all the frustration you’re feeling. You don’t know why you’re frustrated, and that frustrates you even more.
You just feel like there’s a wall in front of you and you don’t know if you’re unhappy or intrigued, pounding at the door to get inside. You don’t know if you’re afraid of what the future holds or if you’re wanting it for all the wrong reasons.
I find that I’m always holding back things that I want to say.
Holding back so many things.
It feels so unnatural.
But I just cannot let go.
The dam cannot be broken.