All I ever really wanted was to be loved.
A fairytale romance maybe.
Maybe the kind of new-age romance you see in popular movies where the guy is too imperfectly perfect that he sweeps her off her feet with his witty jokes and ingenious compliments that border inadvertent creepiness and tongue-numbing sweetness;
Words that can never spout from my mouth,
Words that I will never think of in my lifetime because honey, I’m not too good with words.
Words that another person might some day find lying around in their gloriously genius minds, words that they might someday find the courage to say to you to get her to love you.
I die a little every time I think about someone else getting a chance with you,
A chance you barely ever gave me;
A chance I question why I never deserved or maybe
one I actually chased away, shooed with my own two hands.
I want to whisk someone away into eternal sunshine and feel like I’m always welcome to feel happiness surge through my veins like true lovers do.
I want to feel like I’m always welcome to be alive
Because god damn it I don’t see a reason for living anymore.
If you’re such a god damned failure, you can’t even set your life on path and surely you are heading down the straight path to hell, then why the hell should you even bother with pretending to participate in a life you were never a part of?
You don’t belong. Get out of here.
You don’t belong in a place where people want to live
And you will never get nor deserve “first best”.
You must always settle for less.