Unedited

The problem is not lgbt being crazy sex freaks, it’s a religious viewpoint that sets us up this way. All we want is to be allowed a pure, honest, whole-hearted love – not a mindless marriage with someone we might quite possibly grow to despise. We are not sex hungry, and on that note, anyone can be sex hungry- straight, gay, (probably not asexual). It’s not who you love that makes you like that, it’s who you are.

All we want is a safe space on this world, to not live in fear, to not be marginalised, especially not by a religion we identify with. Why do you push us so far away when you claim you want us nearby, when you pretend to want us close to God. No, you want to shield God’s eyes from the creation He has made, you want to tell Him we do not exist, we are not humans, we are creations of the devil – he tainted our innocent minds, from a moment long before we know what sex is, we are sex hungry, we want someone with our parts and no we have no tender innocent feelings for them because the moment we feel love we are impure.

We want God to love us but we can’t tell Him we love ourselves. We can’t tell Him who we love because we are foul. Our pure love is tainted. I must love a man, even if his personality is repulsive, even if he disrespects me, because he has the D. Because a dick and a vagina makes a pure relationship, a pure marriage, something natural. We must fall neatly into our gender roles because that’s the right thing to do; give up your personal voice, your own thoughts and discretion and listen to the community, and it’s leader, the one with the voice, the man who knows more than you ever will about your relation with God. Any independent thought must be shunned. Take them away from their sinful thought for they cannot think for themselves anymore, their minds are dirty.

I say all this, but with a heavy heart. This family I love, this God I wish I was closer to, this life I want to be free in. The nagging of society is still loud in my head. How will I know I’m right, since I’m just a mere human being? I was born to listen to somebody who knows nothing about me, somebody with personal biases, but somebody who is a warrior against the devil. What if my life is a lie and I am not allowed happiness? The discomfort of pre-conceived notions of religion hinders the way I live my life. Will I ever truly know how to find my own happiness? Will I ever be accepted by the people I love or will it be my destiny to be damned? Damnation is what they tell me I will face, as they turn away from me and spit (holy water) on the people whose hands I hold.

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